Hearts On Fire Episode 09
“I missed you this afternoon.”
Mark hadn’t noticed Julia slip into the seat next to him at the dinner table.
Her quiet, unexpected words stilled his jiggling knee and sent his thoughts lurching in a new direction.
She’d missed him?
Ah, she meant the “get to know you” chat he hadn’t attended that afternoon.
“I’m sorry.” He flicked his eyes momentarily to hers.
They were clear and blue, like a crisp winter sky over the salt marshes of home.
He could be on the marsh now with his easel, painting the boats and the horizon.
It was so long since he’d painted anything, he wasn’t sure he remembered how.
“Why discuss what I want from this retreat if I’m not staying?” he continued. “And don’t ask me why.”
Julia’s lips stretched into a sympathetic smile.
“Your reasons are your own affair, Mark, but I think it’s clear why.”
His knee began to jiggle again. He steadied it with pressure from both hands.
“Although I’m surprised – and pleased – you’re still here,” she added.
He was surprised, too. After Jacopo’s tour, he understood Villa Davide’s fire safety measures better.
Jacopo had pointed out things his professional eye should have spotted – things he would have spotted before the accident.
She began to speak again, but stopped at a bellow of laughter from their fellow diners.
When the laughter settled sufficiently, she continued in the same low voice.
“I thought you’d be gone by now. You seemed so determined at lunchtime.”
“I was,” he admitted. “I’m not a talented artist. I used to find painting relaxing when I was younger. It was the perfect antidote to a challenging career.
“My doctor . . .” He stopped, realising he was about to reveal things he preferred to keep private.
After a pause, where he assumed Julia was giving him space to open up, she spoke again, the low tone almost lost in the chatter of the other guests.
“I was terrified about coming, too,” she admitted.
He turned to look at her.
“You were? Why?”
He noted an almost imperceptible shrug.
“Different reasons. Mainly my mind was filled with doubts.
“What if it was a disaster? I’d be stuck working and living alongside everyone for a month.”
Mark’s gaze darted beyond the terrace, but failed to find the words he sought.
“Shy, uncertain, a fish out of water. That’s me,” Julia went on. “And yet I came.”
She reached to take slices of potato sprinkled with olives and anchovies.
“Life is full of challenges, and sometimes you have to meet them head on. Otherwise we spend our lives running away.”
Run away – that’s what Mark wanted to do.
What was Julia running from? He sensed she was keeping something back.
She speared some cold cuts and he realised he was hungry, too.
“Teaching at Villa Davide,” she began again, “is my only chance for time in the sun this year.
“Since my divorce, money has been a little tight.”
Was that it? A broken heart?
Mark wondered how deep her troubled waters ran.
“I’m sorry to hear that,” he said, and he meant it.
He’d never had money worries and had never been married.
“My point is,” she continued, “sometimes it’s good to confront our fears and master them.”
“You sound like my therapist.” Mark smiled.
He glanced sideways to see how she’d react to this revelation, but saw nothing – no flicker of surprise, shock or amusement.
Anxiety sliced into him again, and his heart kicked like a frightened colt at a stable door.
He fought to control the fork he was reaching out towards a plate of sliced tomatoes with a dressing.
He hoped no-one else saw the tremor.
He picked up one piece, brought it to his plate, and focused on it, noting every slight imperfection in the round of tomato.
Concentrating on something non-threatening was a trick his counsellor taught him to cope with the panic and the flashbacks of that terrible day.
His racing heart subsided and the panic eased.
He understood Julia was trying to help him, but any minute now she’d say, ‘“What’s the worst that could happen?” and expect him to admit his worst fear.
That everyone would turn to him to save them from the fire – and he would fail.
To be continued…