Fiction Ed Shirley Is Up To Bat


So, casual question: how do you get a bat out of your living room?

Last night Mr Fiction Ed and I were sitting in post-chip-van-tea contentment, him watching the golf from wherever, me catching up with the papers.

Then Mr Fiction Ed flinched, uttered a “Jeez!” and leapt up out of his chair.

I caught a blur of something out of the corner of my eye.

“Woah, that’s a big moth,” I thought.

But it was no moth. It was a bat, flying round and round in circles above our heads.

“What is it?” Mr Fiction Ed asked. By this time he had somehow swirled himself into the curtain like a magician.

“A bat,” I said.

“Oh, that’s bad news” he said, from his curtain cocoon.

You think?

“Get it into the conservatory! Get it into the conservatory!” he shouted.

Who? Me?


It reminded me of a holiday in Tenerife years ago.

On the night we arrived — me, him and my big sis — we did the usual first thing of checking out the rooms in the apartment.

We opened the bathroom door to find a massive cockroach on the tiles above the wash-hand basin, antennae waggling.

I’d never seen one before, but I got a right close look at this one . . . because before I knew it, I’d been thrust into the room and the door shut behind me.

“Do you need anything?” he shouted from the safety of the other side.

“Er — a wide-mouthed bowl, or something to put over it?”

A plastic coffee filter thing did the trick.

So, anyway, what I’m saying is that my hero husband has previous in such circumstances . . .

I opened the conservatory doors wide and stood back, and somehow we — I — managed to divert the bat’s path.

I slammed the doors behind it, and then we watched through the glass as it flew round and round.

Now what?

To be continued . . .

Regular readers may remember Shirley’s own “previous” with the pheasants . . .

For more tales of the unexpected, read Shirley’s blog here.

Shirley Blair

Fiction Ed Shirley’s been with the “Friend” since 2007 and calls it her dream job because she gets to read fiction all day every day. Hobbies? Well, that would be reading! She also enjoys writing fiction when she has time, long walks, travel, and watching Scandi thrillers on TV.